So, our excitement at the beginning will not last forever but we won’t need to remain sad either.
All we can do is, since time given to us is not infinite, being true to each other when we are together.

Mondo Grosso – 1974-WAY HOME

7월에는 여러 (대부분은 예상치 못했던) 일들이 나에게 일어났다.
8월에는 아무 일도 일어나지 않기를 기대해본다. 비록 무슨 일이 생기면 부딪쳐야 하는 수 밖에 없음을 알지만…

A Song For You

어제 만난 슈팅스타 – 언니네 이발관
Shooting Star I Met Yesterday by Sister’s Barbershop

언제부턴가 때로 터널을 들어가지
그 곳이 더욱 환하기에
내 머리 위로 흐르는 수많은 기억들이
그 곳을 더욱 환하게 해
From some time ago I entre a tunnel from time to time
Because it is brighter there
So many memories in my mind
Make it brighter

나를 봐 이렇게
어제로 달려가고만 싶어
나를 봐 이렇게
나에겐 알 수 없는 것이 너무 많아
Look at me, and as you see
I just want to run to yesterday
Look at me, and as you see
I have too many things unknown to me

언제나처럼 나는 터널을 들어가지
오늘을 살지 못하기에
그 같은 꿈은 이제는 지나온 시간 속에
모두 던져 버리고서
As always, I entre a tunnel
Because I cannot live today
I throw away such a dream
To the past

나를 봐 이렇게
어제로 돌아가고만 싶어
나를 봐 이렇게
나에겐 알 수 없는 것이 너무 많아
Look at me, and as you see
I just want to return to yesterday
Look at me, and as you see
I have too many things unknown to me

그리운 마음이 있어 너를 볼 때면
허전한 마음이 있어 그 곳에 서면
I feel longing when I look at you
I feel empty when I stand there

미래를 보네 볼 수가 없는
보고 싶지만 할 수가 없는 것을
I look into the future that I can’t
Which I want to but I can’t

그리운 마음이 있어 너를 볼 때면
미래를 보네 볼 수가 없는
보고 싶지만 할 수가 없는 걸
I feel longing when I look at you
I look into the future that I can’t
Which I want to but I can’t

A Rose is Still a Rose

Performed by Aretha Franklin/ Written by Lauryn Hill

There was a rose I knew, I met her once or twice before
She was a pretty sweet thing, not the least bit insecure
Then you came with your slick game and played with her youth
Ashamed of the way you lied, played with the truth, hey, hey

Mmm, she never knew what hit her
Steal her honey, then forget her
A rose
She wears a flower
Tryin’ to forget about you

‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin’, you hold the power

Now believe me when I tell you that I’ve been hurt myself
When he tells you that he loves you and sees nobody else
And now you’re so tough tryin’ to wear tight clothes and things
Tossin’ and flossin’, tryin’ to fill the void heartbreak brings

Oh, oh, yeah
When she faces the mirror, yeah
She’s cryin’, you can’t hear her
Now the rose is still a rose
She wears a flower, tryin’ to forget about you

‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power

See a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin’, you hold the power

Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow
You may see your all today
When you know it’ll come tomorrow

Tough to be, but life ain’t over
Just because your man is gone
Girl, love yourself and love to love
‘Cause without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on
Without him your life goes on

‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Baby, girl, you hold the power

See a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you’re still a flower
He can’t lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin’, you hold the power

When I learned last month that there would be 20th anniversary concert of my favourite Korean singer in December, my heart already broke into pieces. However, just now after finding out a few more to come, those pieces of my broken heart have turned to ashes.
지난 달에 내가 제일 좋아하는 한국 가수인 이승환의 20주년 기념 콘서트가 12월에 있을 거란 소식을 들었을 때 내 가슴은 이미 무너졌다. 그러나 다른 콘서트 소식을 추가로 들은 지금, 그 무너진 가슴은 한 번 더 폭탄을 맞았다.

 
It’s because two groups that I love so much are also going to have gigs in Seoul in December: Earth, Wind & Fire from USA, and D’Sound from Norway! Especially, the former really is the classic of groove and disco, and it will be their first-ever visit to Korea. And with D’Sound, I missed them last year and going to miss them again this year.그건 바로 어쓰, 윈드 앤 파이어와 디사운드가 서울에 오기 때문이다. 특히, 전자의 그룹은 그루브와 디스코에 있어 고전이 된 그룹이고 이번이 최초 방한이다. 그리고 디사운드는 작년에 이어 올해에도 놓치게 되었다.

I should have had thought about this well in advance that there are always lots of concerts in Seoul around the time of year-end, and scheduled my visit to Korea in December instead of next February. However, because of this confirmed visit early next year, it will be difficult to plan another trip to Korea in December 2010. Ahhh… what a dilemma!
연말에 서울에서 열리는 공연이 많다는 것을 일찌감치 염두에 두고 내년 2월 대신 12월 한국 방문을 계획했어야 했다. 하지만 이미 확정된 2월 휴가 때문에 내년 12월에 한국을 한 번 더 가는 것은 어려울 것이다. 아아아… 이거 완전 곤란하다!

사진에서 보듯이 10시부터는 가라오케가 시작되었다. 선곡표를 보고 자신이 부르고 싶은 노래와 본인의 이름을 표에 적으면 순서에 따라 스크린 앞으로 나와 부르는 식으로 진행이 되었다. 난 파티 자체에 큰 관심이 없어서 가라오케를 프로그램에서 발견했을 때에도 눈길을 주지 않았는데, 아이들이 한 두 곡 부르기 시작하자 슬슬 끼가 발동을 하였다. 한국 사람은 아무래도 음주가무 판에서 가만히 있기가 어렵지 않던가? 게다가 나는 음주는 몰라도 가무는 남부끄러운 수준은 아니니 한 번 불러볼까 싶은 마음이 스물스물 드는 것이었다. 별로 많지 않은 곡 중에서 No Doubt의 Don’t Speak을 골랐으나 이미 다른 사람이 찜했다 하여 포기하고 Spice Girls의 Wannabe를 선택했다. 골라놓고서는 안전한 노래가 아닌 듯 싶어서 Take That의 Back For Good으로 바꾸려고 순서표 든 아이를 찾아 바를 한 바퀴 돌았으나 결국 찾지 못하고 다시 자리로 돌아와 순서를 기다렸다. 그런데 내 순서 오기 전 두 팀을 앞두고 내 입술 끝과 목청이 살짝 떨리는 것이 아닌가? 속으로 비웃었다. ‘야, 이선경, 너 지금 간만에 마이크 잡는다고 떠는 거야? 웃겨.’
As seen in the photo, from 22h00 a karaoke time started. It was managed in a way that, after choosing a song on the list, you write the song and your name in the waiting list and when it’s your turn, you come in front of the screen to sing your song. As I wrote earlier, I wasn’t generally interested in the party and didn’t pay much attention to the programme when I found a karaoke time. But, as a couple of people started singing, my instinct of entertainment was turned on. As a Korean, isn’t it difficult to stay calm when there are drinking, singing and dancing (飮酒歌舞)? Moreover, not much with drinking, but with singing and dancing, I can do both of them so I slowly became tempted to sing a song. Among the limited number of songs, I first picked up ‘Don’t speak’ by No Doubt but was told somebody else already booked the song. Then, I chose Spice Girls’ ‘Wannabe’. However, a minute later, I thought it wouldn’t be that easy to sing this song so I wanted to change it to ‘Back For Good’ by Take That. I couldn’t find a girl who was holding the list, though, and came back to my seat to wait for my turn. Surprisingly, having two teams before my turn, I found the tips of my lips and throat slightly shaking. I laughed at myself, ‘Hey, Sunkyoung Lee, are you trembling because you’re gonna hold a mic after a long time? Ridiculous!’

드디어 내 순서가 왔다. 스크린에 ‘Wannabe’라는 제목이 뜨자마자 한 쪽 구석에서 이미 짧은 탄성이 터져나왔다. 헉! 속으로 살짝 걱정이 됐다. ‘아씨, 이 노래 노래방에서 안 부른 지 되게 오래 됐는데, 혀 말리면 끝장인걸.’ 전주 없이 “Yo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want”라는 가벼운 랩으로 시작하는 이 노래를 내가 어떻게 진행했을 거라고 생각하는가? 고국에 있는 친구들, 적어도 나랑 노래방을 가봤던 친구들은 쉽게 상상이 될 것이다. 노래 중간에 이미 큰 환호가 몇 번 나왔고 노래를 다 부르고 나서는 박수 갈채와 앙콜까지 받고 말았다. 그 자리에 있던 내 친구들은 물론 모르는 사람들도 엄지 손가락을 치켜 들며 끝내줬다, 네가 오늘 무대 접수했다, 한 곡 더 부르라는 찬사를 받았다. 이에 난 겸손하게 답하였다. 한국에서 이 정도는 기본이라고.
Finally it was my turn. As soon as the title ‘Wannbe’ appeared on the screen, there were already some exclamations from corners. Oh my, I got a little nervous. ‘Shite, it’s been so long since I sang this song last, and what if my tongue gets twisted…??’ How do you think I managed to sing this song that starts with soft rapping, “Yo I’ll tell you what I want what I really really want” even without a prelude. Well, friends of mine in Korea, at least, those who have been to noraebang (‘karaoke’ place in Korean) would easily imagine. Already in the middle of singing, some of the audience sent loud cheers and after singing, I received applause and even an encore not even from my friends but also from others I didn’t know. Upon their request, I said in a humble manner that any Korean can sing like this as their basic talent.

나의 짧은 퍼포먼스가 인구에 회자되었는지 오늘 점심 시간에 식당에서 만난 친구들 중 그 자리에 있었던 친구들은 나를 보자 스타가 왔다 하고, 없었던 친구들은 모두가 네 얘기 하더라며 반가이 맞아줬다. 살짝 미치면 인생이 행복하다더니, 살짝 놀았을 뿐인데 내 일상은 이미 행복해졌다.
My short performance must have been known to many people. When I met my friends on Monday at canteen, who were at the party, they welcomed me calling me as their star, and others who missed my singing also warmly greeted me saying everyone talked about me. People say that if you go a little crazy, your life will be happy. I indeed played a little and my life became quite happy.

(사진을 클릭하면 다양한 크기로 볼 수 있는 flickr 페이지로 이동함)

Since my first living abroad was in the Netherlands, I have become pro-Europe but I’m quite certain that if it was in the States, I’d have been at the forefront of promoting its culture like I’ve been with the Irish one. Interestingly, however, before I went to the Netherlands in 2003, my view on the Western world had been formed heavily based on how the US was projected in me from my childhood.

My parents, who were very keen about education, bought me a set of English books and cassette tapes directly licensed by the American publishing company when, if I could remember, I was three years old. Through a family of anthropomorphised rabbits in the books, I could observe the different settings of the Americans’ daily lives: two-storied house with a garden and a garage, big shopping mall where people carries carts, school bus, Christmas and so on. And as lovers of pop music, my parents also had a big collection of 60′s to 80′s pop music and I think I listened to these songs more than to children’s songs.

When I grew up to be a teenager, I recall it was a booming period of absorbing American culture and most of the channels were through media. You could easily imagine how I understood the Western world - which practically meant the US only at that time – with the names I list as following:

• New Kids On The Block - These five boys from Boston had a significant influence on my interest in English language because what I did during my spare time in junior high school was mostly singing along their songs and trying to understand what the lyrics meant. I actually thank them for this and next February in Amsterdam, I’ll finally see these now-men after nearly two-decade since I became their fan. Not only their songs but their music videos – yeah, we are the generation of MTV – stimulated my curiosity about the Western life with the sights and incidents filmed in the videos.

• Toy Soldiers- As an adolescent girl who reached the stage of valuing friendship most in life, this movie fired my fantasy of the perfect friendship, trouble-making at school, dormitory life, and teenage hero. I liked the film so much that I bought the video tape from the video rental shop, which was very rare for anyone of my age at that time, and that I even rewrote the story by adding myself as a troublemaking girl who was sent by her parents to the boarding school, where there are only boys, as a very exceptional case. I named her (or myself) Kevin to defeminise her original name, Catherine, with a thought at the time that the first sounds of these two names were the same. Anyway, this is not the end of the story. I even wrote my first-ever fan mail to Sean Astin to the Tri Star in Hollywood, which produced ‘Toy Soldiers’ and which was listed by a Korean film magazine to send a fan letter to. (The mail was returned to me a couple of months later, though, with a stamp of wrong address.) Now you can imagine how sad I was when I saw Sean Astin in the first piece of the Lord of the Rings. I was really shocked at how much a person can change over a decade.

• TV Series - The Wonder Years, Doogie Howser, M.D., Beverly Hills 90210 up to my teenage and Ally McBeal and Sex and the City in my adulthood: No more words needed, right?

With this visa waver programme, I now can directly experience the American culture without the heavy burden of application with the various documents and a lot of money. As much as the gap between fantasy and reality, my future experience in this vast territory of Northern America will be different from what I had learned and saw from all those pieces of American pop culture. However, I’m excited to be able to see and feel them in their own country, recalling the fanatical curiosity about the world outside from my childhood.

페스티벌 포스터를 보고 있는 지혜. Jihye, looking at the festival poster.

오프닝 콘서트 때 보자르 정문에서 관객들을 맞이하고 있는 우요 & 영자 부부. 이 날 이들 뿐만 아니라 주재원 부인 및 자녀들이 자원봉사로 이 역할을 맡았다.
Wooyo & Youngja were greeting at the entrance the audience to the opening concert, wearing ‘hanbok’ – Korean traditional costume. Including this couple, many of Korean wives and their children volunteered for this job.

 

국립관현악단의 개막 공연 직전. 이 날 관객 중 상당수는 나처럼 초대권으로 온 것이기는 했지만 유료 관객도 꽤 있었다고 한다. Right before the opening concert by the National Orchestra of Korea. This day most of the audience had invitation tickets like me but I heard there were also many people who bought the tickets.

Horta Hall에서 있었던 줄타기 공연. ‘Jultaki’, tightrope dancing, at Horat Hall

통역으로 참가한 단소 워크샵. 어린 아이부터 어른까지 굉장한 열의와 관심을 갖고 배우려는 모습에 깊은 인상을 받았다.
Danso (短簫)’, small/ short flute, workshop where I volunteered as an interpreter. I was really impressed at the audience from children to adults who were highly enthusiastic and interested in learning the instrument.

어둠에 잠긴 새벽 모두 잠든 도시를 숨차게 홀로 달려가는 사람과
끝없이 밀려오는 무한의 인파 속에 가만히 눈을 감고있는 이의
A person who’s running alone breathlessly in a city where everyone’s asleep at dawn in the dark
A person who’s softly closed their eyes in a crowd of people endlesely swarming about

쉽게 꺼낼 수 없던 이야기
잊은 줄 알았던 비밀들
낡고 오래된 거짓말들 속에 얘기할 수 없던 것들
Their stories that they couldn’t easily bring up
The secrets that were thought to be forgotten
The things that couldn’t be talked among the old lies

잃어버린 것 무엇입니까?
멀리 사라져간 것들은 무엇입니까?
되찾을 수 없는 것 무엇입니까?
여기 누군가의 big drama
What is the thing you lost?
What are the things that have disappeared far away?
What are the things you can’t get back?
Here is someone’s big drama

이대로 놓칠 수 없는 것 무엇입니까?
언제라도 찾아 헤맸었던 것 무엇입니까?
내가 살아가는 이유는 무엇입니까?
여기 누군가의 big drama
What is the thing you can’t let go as it is?
What is the thing you were always looking for?
What is my reason for living?
Here is someone’s big drama

peppertones – drama (click the title to listen to music)

Goo Goo Dolls – Iris

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

누군가를 완전히 이해한다는 것이 과연 가능한 것일까?
저마다 스스로를 이해하지 못하는 때도 있는데 말이다.

그렇다면 완전히 이해하는 것은 포기한다지만
그 사람마저 포기하는 것은 안 될 때에는 어떻게 해야 하는가?

—.

그럴 때 우리는 ‘타협(妥協)’이 필요한 것이 아닐까?
내가 너를 이해할 수 있도록 노력할테니
너도 내가 어떤 사람인지 알아주렴.
그 방식이 유치(幼稚)하고 불안(不安)하더라도
배워가고 있는 중인 나를 안아주렴.
너도 그러할테니 말야…

Is it ever possible to completely understand someone?
Even though one doesn’t sometimes understand themselves.

Then, even if I give up to completely understand someone,
if I cannot give up the person himself, what should I do?

—.

Isn’t it maybe when we need a ‘compromise’?
As I will be trying to understand you,
I just want you to know who I am.
Though the way I do might be immature or uneasy,
I want you to hold me in your arms, who’s learning now.
As I know so are you…